Not even sure if that is the word I should be using. It was a long day. We had our holiday lunch at work. It wasn't anything huge, but a little something to enjoy. As we all know, health insurance goes up every year. And 2008 will be no different. It was announced several weeks ago the company would pick up all the difference. Insurance is out of control! The difference would have been about $80 more out of my check monthly. A bit steep for something we need. I am thrilled and would have accepted that as the complete holiday present. Instead, we got a lunch and we ate like an army. Finger foods galore including every imaginable combination of stromboli and roast beef sandwiches. We all even got a little something extra. A gift card for a local grocery store. Not much money, but enough and it was nice to be appreciated. I also got my checks for the two cards I did. I knew what the first would be but had no idea what to expect for the company holiday card. Let me tell you it was much more then I expected. It will definitely come in handy! Whooooo hooooooo can you say Santa is buying Santa something? LOL
Several months ago a co-worker was selling Christmas cookies. I had ordered a few dozen and my niece did as well. She was thinking ahead knowing her mom would not be up to baking and it would be nice to have some in the house for visitors. Little did we know. After my sister passed I asked my niece if she still wanted them. She did. Well they were delivered to me today so I in turn delivered. I feel a bit guilty but I haven't been there since the day my sister died. As I turned down the street the tears flowed. Surely it was missing her along with that guilt. I've talked to all of them, but I hadn't stopped over. Today was the first time. I calmed myself down and made my way in the house. We chatted and laughed. Then we cried. The house screams of my sister. Pictures, her favorite knick knacks. Christmas decorations that her girls had pulled out. Not exactly the same as she would have had it, but it was a bit festive and they are trying. I didn't want the tears to flow, but I think it was good. If that makes sense. We all miss her and pretending we don't isn't going to help. Don't get me wrong we laughed and remembered......... but the tears were exhausting.
Tomorrow I leave work at 2 and then I'm off all of next week. I am looking forward to it. No major plans except for the normal holiday running... at this point anyway. I'm off to bed to rest these eyes.
Hope everyone is doing good.
Hugs
~d
43 comments:
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. :o)
Lisa
Hey I'm glad that work took over the health benefits. Damn, I just let my stuff roll over without making any changes or reading over any paperwork, I hope it didn't go up without me knowing. I guess I'll find out huh?... I'm glad that you got a chance to let out your feelings about your sister. You may not have wanted to cry but it was probably good for you.. -Missy
Hi D. I know what you mean about insurance!! We pay more in insurance than anything else. Crazy!! I wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy new Year. 2007 was bad for a lot of folks but here's wishing 2008 is a great one!! Love, Shelly
Merry Christmas:)
Deb
Of course it was hard making that first trip back to her house, but now you've done it and it will get a little easier. I have a friend that lost her husband in January last year and this whole year has been a series of firsts for her. My heart aches for her each time there is a holiday, or season, or something they did together that she now does alone. Just as my heart hurts for you for the same reason. {{{Hugs}}}
Sounds like it was a nice time at your work's party. Health insurance is so expensive, I'm glad that you won't be having to make up the difference. I know it is hard to go to your sister's. I understand how you must feel, while my sister was in the hospital all I could think of is how it would be without her and the prospect was quite sad. I hope you do have a good Christmas and you are able to remember her fondly and recall great Christmas's of the past with her. Her presence will be there with you all. Luv ya!
Allison
h
Donna ....sounds like you had a nice holiday lunch ..nice that your company is picking up the difference in the insurance
The first time I went back to the nursing home after daddy passed away was so hard ...I need to take my puppies back to see several of the residents.
I am already dreading Christmas eve as that is when my family would get together ....since mom passed away in 2001 I just spend Christmas Eve crying.
Enjoy your week off from work ...have a great weekend too!
Snagged your cute tags.
Hugs
Mari
I'm off until the 27th....let's both enjoy the time off! Deal?
hugs,
Russ
That first year is REALLY hard. My husband died 2 days before his birthday, a few weeks before mine, and Christmas just a few weeks later. He has been dead 5 years now, and only the last two years have I finally gotten a few things up. Time does heal, but you will always miss her, but glad you did spend time with her family. That is one of the big aches, when the sick one passes, people stop coming. Know the chatting and even crying helped them, too. Prayers are with you. LaVern
I am glad that her daughters are making an effort for Christmas. I hope things will get better but it does take a while and you never completely get over missing a loved one. Helen
hi d, I'm glad you had a good lunch and your hard work was appriciated. I am sorry about your sister, I know it is hard and everywhere you go there will be memories, the trick is to remember fondly and aloow yourself to cry now and again it will help. I lost my dad 14 years ago, he was 39, he missed my graduation, the birth of his grandsons, my wedding...the list goes on, Even after all these years I still find myself getting angry at him for leaving us and missing all these special moments. I know it wasn't his fault really but it still hurts and I still miss him alot. Every Christmas eve we all go to the cemetry to light candles and we light candle on new years to remember all those who are no longer with us, it's a sad time but it's good to remember. We even include our children who never knew him, they call his grave "Grandad's garden". Stay strong and allow the memories it really does help. enjoy your holiday luv mrs t xxxx
Donna
That was great of your company to host the Christmas party and five the gift cards. And yes, heallth insurance costs are insane and I'm glad your company is picking up the difference in the rate increase this year. I think taking the cookies over to your brother-in-law and nieces was good and I'm glad you guys got a chance to let go with some of your bottled up emotions. My heart goes out to them this Holiday Season. Great news that you have off this next week. I'm jealous! Enjoy!
Sam
Pleased you manged your Visit to your Nieces.
I have to visit the Nursing Home where my Mum died, to take Christmas Cards for a couple of Carers, who were at her Funeral in October. We used to visit every Sunday,and we have to drive by on a regular basis, to get to other places. We can see her Room Window, from the Road.
Treat yourself to something Special.
Aileen...X
h
glad you got to visit with your niece and have that good cry. that is therapeutic for you.
take care
tina
the cost of insurance is amazing isn't it? Glad you got a little something extra to buy Santa something! Santa deserves it! LOL Linda
All part of the process, Donna. Hope you'll have a good time this Xmas; I am glad the NHS is broadly free in the UK
(((((Donna))))) The visit might have been good for you? The first visit...I'm sure it was exhausting. Please know I'm thinking of you during this difficult time in your life.
Great news about the insurance not going up on your check....and the extra money for something you enjoyed doing, eh?
~Meg
You were all so wonderful to your Sister, & never made it about you. It wasn't what you had to do FOR HER, if was always Her. You really honored her & treated her with all the love & concern & dignity that every person wants at the end, but many do not get. The tears are normal, but remember she passed with much love & light. ~ Mary
Congrats on a whole week off..WOW! I hope you take that cash and get yourself something SPECIAL....i am sorry you were so sad when you went to your sisters home...but of course that is normal and to be expected. I am glad her family is putting up decorations....wish i could give you a big hug...glad you had a good company gettogether. Love the tags.
Love you too.
lisa Jo
Merry Christmas Sweetie. There will be many times you will shed tears for your sister. I still do for my parents during the holidays especially (and it has been years). I think it just lets them know we miss them and love them.
Hugs, Joyce
It hits you at the most unexpected moments. I am so glad you brought the cookies and so glad the happier memories are starting to surface.
Julie
Oh sweetie, it takes so long to go through this. It will hit on and off. I sometimes pick up the phone when something I KNOW only me and my brother would laugh at, to call him. Only to realize AGAIN he's not there. He's been gone a while now yet somethings just hit and hit hard.
((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Love,
promise
Yes, I misses her too. Tears came down on my cheeks too.That was nice of someone selling cookies and the girls will get some for the house and visitors as well.Snagged the snowman love ya Nancy
h
(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Donna )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am so happy that you were able to get to your sisters house and sit down with the family, it must have been very hard for you, but I am glad that you found the strength to get through it all.
Well done you for completing the commisions on the cards and congrats on getting more than you expected...... I imagine they realised what they got was worth it.
Enjoy your time off........... get some rest :o))
Hugs Jayne
Goody goody on the extra goodies....and everytime you mention your sister...my heart goes out to ya. Have a wonderful hoilday.
Brenda
((((((((((((((((HUGSOYOU))))))))))))))))))I hope you get some rest.I am glad you was abe to go into you Sisters house.I know you are missing Her so much.Have a good weekend.
Hello D. As a newby, I didn't know about your sister until now. I'm very sorry to hear that. It's good that you can be strong and remember the happy times and have a wee giggle. I hope It eased your pain a wee bit. You are in my thoughts. Pam xx
Congratulations on the big whoppin' checks! ;)
Our insurance is going up too, unfortunately. Thankfully, only about $30 per check, but that still really adds up. It really stinks. Sometimes I wish we had a national health program like England where EVERYBODY is covered.
It's to be expected that your first visit back to your sister's house would be very difficult. But, I also think it's another step in the healing process....so that's a good thing.
And you're right, tears are thoroughly exhausting, but necessary.
I also have to give you a little giggle. When I opened the Jounal alert for this entry, all I could see was that flesh colored bulb there at the top of your tag. I won't go there...but you can probably imagine what I was thinking. LMFAO
I know, I'm a perv. ::giggling::
Love ya,
Bridgett
Been thinking about you A LOT! I know this holiday season won't be the best you've ever had but you know your sister wouldn't want you to be sad. I'm sure she understands your sadness, but she's in a place now where she no longer hurts and is always close to the people she loves.
Glad you have the week off!!! Relax and be GOOD to yourself.
And Congrats working for a place that cares about their crew. An awful lot of people work for assholes. LOL
LOVE YOU,
mj
Awwwwwwww Donna sorry you were missing your sister today, Sending big hugs your way (((((((((((( Donna ))))))))))))))) Thank you for all of your beautiful tags, Hugs Lisa
we had free food at our job sandwhiches and stuff i went to burger king lol.
It's nice that they are picking up the difference..it is out of control....
All of the tears can really be physically exhausting,,but I do think it helps..along with being able to laugh.
Hugs and good thoughts to you and your family,
Sheri
Hope you get some much needed rest, Donna - So nice for you to visit your nieces, even though it must have been quite difficult, for you. Sisters share a strong bond, and it will take a very long time before things seem to back to normal. Take it easy on yourself, okay? That big cheque sounds lovely at this time of year. And I also agree - everything seems to be going up next year. :::SIGH:::
Always, Rose~*
Oh sweetheart it must be sad for you,but your sister will be with you and her girls at Christmas,you know that,all my best wishes as we appraoch a new year,may it be a happier one for you all xxxxxx zoe xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/zoepaul6968/domestic-chaos/
I am so very sure that your nieces needed that visit from you - trying to keep moving forward is good for them and being able to still cry and not try to hide the hurt is also good.....I am glad you went and spent time there - I am sure it touched them more then you know...
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
May the new year bring you and your family - peace - love - and happiness!!!
-Ellie
Enjoy your whole week off! You deserve it!
Appreciation is a great thing! Go spoil yourself with the earned money.
Christmas is a special hard time for all they have lost a loved one. I keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Maria
PS. Love the lil chaotic mouse.....hee hee
It will be easier to go over to the house now. The first time is always the toughest. I'm glad you did. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
Pam
Just reading this made the tears flow...I can only imagine how hard it was on you going to your sisters house for the first time since she passed....but i am glad you were able to...and you and your family had some laughs and shared some tears...Giving you a HUGE hug.... I am going to light a candle in memory of your sis during these next few days of christmas in my home...as well as in memory of my grandma and Aunt Judy...and many more in Jland who have lost loved ones...this time of year is a joyous time but also a very emotional time for many of us....
Have a great weekend Donna
Merry Christmas!!
Hugs
Terri
You earned every penny Donna. I hope you buy yourself something nice. I'm glad you went to your sister's, it will be easier now. Hope you have a good holiday and a rest.
Take care
Carolxx
I'm sure the girls and your BIL were pleased to see you at the house Donna. It must have been hard for all of you but I'm glad you went there. Next time won't be so bad but Christmas is always a bad time when you've just lost a loved one. Have a restful week off and spoil yourself. Jeannette xx
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