I wish I could take that saying to heart. Better control my emotions. Today that did not happen. Since my sister passed, my brother in law has been getting mass cards almost daily. We all told him over the course of the weeks that he cannot make it to all masses. It's an impossible feat. We could help out, but there was no way we'd get to the 100's that are planned in her memory. He happens to be out of town this week on business and there was a mass today. It was at the chapel of the Cancer hospital. He asked my parents to attend. My father could not, but my other sister picked up my mother, my other sister, and my older brother actually joined them. Since the hospital is only a few blocks from where I work I met up with them as the mass was at noon and I could swing it by taking an extended lunch.
I left work with enough time to park and get to the chapel. I got off the elevator, and made my way down the hall. I walked in to the small quaint chapel. I found a seat, which was very easy as I was the only one there at the time. Within minutes it was full. Five of us, and several other folks. Some nurses and tech's from the hospital. The mass was rather quick and we all seemed fine, until the Priest mentioned my sisters name. The tears rolled. It's not like we didn't know, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I miss her. My mother sniffled and grabbed a tissue to wipe away the tears. I thought I was stronger then that. Raw emotions are so hard to control.
Raw emotions emerged at work today as well. Prior to the mass we had a department meeting. I won't get into all the nitty gritty, but for the gazillionth time as I was speaking a co-worker interrupted me, talking louder and over me. Saying exactly the same thing I was. Several times during the meeting he did it. Not just to me but to everyone. At several points there were actually several people talking at the same, each louder then the other so to drown them out. Not a very good way to conduct a meeting as it was confusing and nothing really resolved or addressed. There were two specific occasions where I was interrupted that really pissed me off. I was asked about business details unique to me, yet he felt the need to try and answer for me as I was speaking. The first time I know I made a face, but let him say his peace and then I continued. The second time. OMG! I wanted to say, 'shut the f up, you have no idea about my emails... blah blah.' Of course I didn't. Then someone asked me a question point blank. I looked him the eye, and like a possessed woman said, 'go ahead and let ___ answer.' The room got quiet. I was shaking. The rest of the meeting he continued to interrupt. It was disgusting and so rude. That is a huge pet peeve of mine. To interject with a question is one thing, but to interrupt and answer for someone, or talk over them basically saying exactly what is being said is obnoxious and rude. I did apologize to my boss afterwards, but he saw it coming and apologized to me. He said he knew he should have put a stop to it immediately but let it go. I don't think he will next week. Yes, you see this happens all the time. Some meetings drag and have no interaction because of this. Or sometimes answers are made quickly and abruptly so one can get their answer in before they are interrupted.
I know my reaction was because of the emotions of what else was happening that day. Subconsciously of sorts. I am glad I said something, but I surely could have done a better job in conveying it. Let's see how next weeks meeting goes.
The rest of the day was fine. Emotionally drained, but fine. After the mass my family and I went for lunch. It was nice to sit and remember, chit chat about nothing. It definitely helped calm me down from the rough morning. I hope everyone had a great Wednesday.
hugs
~d
