Saturday, September 30, 2006

When I Grow Up

Well, I had a gazillion graphics I could have used for this entry, but decided this one fit the bill.  I had a ton of laundry to do today and pretty much played all day in between loads.  The phone rang a few times and each time my heart did a little stutter as I wasn't sure what I was going to do.  I figured I would say no, but just wasn't sure.  We ate dinner early, by our standards, and it was after that the phone rang again.   I picked it up and heard that voice once again.  I was much better prepared to talk this time as I was expecting the call.  So much had happened in the past, and I really did like it without him in my life.


We did our pleasantries and then he asked about doing something.  I told him I needed some more information, some answers about his life before I could intelligently do anything.  He laughed and told me, 'just like you, over thinking everything.'  I didn't think I was over thinking at all and told him so.  With that I asked about his marriage.  I knew he had gotten married several years back, but he isn't the topic of conversation when I see friends that know him, so I had no idea where that stood.  I told him that I never thought to ask the last time he called as he threw me for a loop.  He hesitated a second and then told me they were still together, but barely.  I asked what the hell he was doing and why? 


With that I did not want to go out, I wasn't even sure I wanted to talk to him.  I told him that he needed to adjust his life accordingly.  I didn't think it to be a good idea to try and rekindle a friendship at this stage.   I also told him he needs to think long and hard about what he is doing.  I was not going to be something to cloud his judgement on what path he takes.  Friend or otherwise.  He whined a bit and maybe even moaned.  So I told him I was going to watch the hockey game and he was more then welcome to stop by and watch with me.  I figured being in my home I'd be in control and I knew he wouldn't come as he never did like hockey, but only put up with it for me.  We talked a bit more about his decision to even pick up the phone to call me.  He went on to say he wasn't looking for anything and after seeing me a couple weeks ago he remembered all the fun we had, all the talks, and I threw in, all the sex?  We both laughed, but it really wasn't funny, not then.  We talked a bit more about the situation and he got another call he had to take so he said he would call back.


With the return call it was decided that he wouldn't come over.  ::whew:: wiping brow!  We did talk for another thirty minutes or so.  It was fun to laugh with him and get caught up on our lives.  I did try to cut the call short a couple of times as I didn't want to give the wrong impression, but with each attempt he told me something else.  Letting me know his wife had an affair and they will be ending their relationship legally very soon.  The rest had been ended a while ago.  I felt bad, but he needs to get his affairs in order, breath, let the dust settle.  We said good bye, I don't think he'll call again.


About a half hour after we hung up the phone rang again.  Damn it!  I'm trying to watch my boys!!  This call was very different.  It was a mutual friend.  One I adore.  Jimmy has saved me from myself on more then one occasion.  I laughed when I heard him and before he could say a word I asked if he got a call.  His response was, 'D, I will stand by you whatever you decide, but want to tell you, he is getting a divorce but please don't go back to that place.'  I smiled and told him I knew, I had no intention of it.  We talked through the entire hockey game and will be doing lunch on Tuesday. 


So all in all the mystery is solved.  The man wants to return to his childhood.  He doesn't want to move forward but rather back where he thinks comfort is.  I'm not sad, nor am I hurt.  I think he was lonely and wanted a voice that could comfort him.  Not sure he got that.  Me, well I got a lunch date with a very special man in my life and I can't wait, it's been way to long since we've seen each other.  And, no, no romance there.  I couldn't, I wouldn't.  We both decided long ago our friendship is to important to spoil. 

Saturday Morning/Afternoon

Another graphic I had done awhile back and thought it fit this morning.  Not the saying really, but more the 'look'.  At the moment it is not raining, but it has been for the past few days.  They are calling for 'lake effect' rain the entire weekend.  Grrr  well at least it isn't lake effect snow!  For those of you not familiar with the term, it basically is the effect of cold air passing over the warmer water.  Where the moisture lands is anyone's guess, depending on winds etc.  Usually lake effect is hard and furious. 


It is pretty chilly here this morning.  My hands are like ice and I will not turn on the heat, it's still September and I refuse!  I will add sweatshirts, socks, blankets, but no heat, not yet!  Looking out my back window it looks pretty gloomy.  Dark skies with gray clouds scattered about.  The mixture of colors in the trees, which aren't bright today as there is no sun.  Some trees already exposing their bare branches.  Leaves that have already fallen are scattered amongst the deep green grass, each dancing to it's own tune as the wind blows.  The sound of ducks and geese as they make their way south.  Why am I thinking of turkey?  LOL


I got some interesting news while at work yesterday.  I was talking to my Mom when she informed me my brother had a broken jaw.  I rolled my eyes and cussed under my breath, for I knew we'd never really get the true story about what happened.  His version is he tried to break up a fight and someone came up from behind him and sucker punched him.  Either way the truth of the matter is his mouth is wired shut and will be for 4-6 weeks.  I am not talking little wires holding things together, I am talking lots of silver in his mouth.  His teeth are bonded together with what looks like silver caps.  Who is the guy from James Bond? Jaws? 




Yeah, a little like that, but he can't open it at all.  Not even a bit.  He can barely talk, and anything that goes in his mouth has to go down.  No solid foods, no brushing teeth.  Natta!  The break is actually below the hinge and may have done nerve damage too.  He won't know for sure until he starts to heal, but as it stands now the left side of his chin and jaw line has pins and needles as though Novocain is wearing off.  Mom was a bit upset and was telling me he had nothing to eat and only milkshakes to drink since Thursday.  So I promised her I would stop at the drug store on the way home and pick up some Ensure, Boost, Gator Aide, something to get nutrients in him.  If anyone out there can think of anything else for him to drink that would/could help, let me know.  I don't always get along with my brother, which could be a gazillion entries in itself, but I do feel bad.  He generally has only bad luck, usually brought on by himself, but this truly sucks.  He just started a new job and now has to take time off, can you say 'goodbye'?  With any luck the wires and metal will be taken off by Thanksgiving.  So if you could find it in your heart to say a little prayer for him I'd appreciate it. 


Have a few things to do around the house, and laundry will probably take me all day.  LOL  My room has been taken over by the dirty clothes.  Some how I have more of son's clothes in there then I did when he lived here.  How is that?  ROFL!!  For those of you curious, no call yet.  LOL  nor have I made a decision.  :)~

Friday, September 29, 2006

Non-Ani's to Snag

These are from a while back.  I forgot about them because I store them in a non-ani folder and NEVER look there when I'm grabbing graphics to post.  LOL 







Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thinking...... thinking some more...


The week pretty much went by without incident.  A little drama here and a little drama there...  Work was busy but nothing out of the ordinary.  Today was a long day though!

It was raining when I go up and it is still raining now.  Coming down in buckets at times and others just a steady fall.  I actually had to pick up my sister on the way home from work tonight and since she needed an extra 1/2, I just rearranged my schedule and went in a bit late.  Stopped at the Post Office on the way and when I got out of the car I immediately cursed.  I didn't look where I parked and as I stepped out, I promptly landed in a puddle.  Great, a hot foot on the way to work!  I was successful in getting my package sent though, so that's good :)


That slight change in hours about killed me.  What a difference a half hour at the end of the day makes.  I suppose the picking my sister and getting her home didn't help as that added on to the end of the day and I didn't get home until almost 6.  Arggghhh  By the time I got home I didn't feel like eating.  Well, I felt like eating but I didn't feel like making anything.  The day had taken it's toll and I was exhausted.  Surely the dark gloom didn't help either.  We ended up doing soup for dinner.  It took the chill off the inside but made me shiver as I was eating it.  Very odd experience!


After dinner I was sitting minding my own business when the phone rang.  Must have been really concentrating on the graphic as I jumped about 5 feet off the chair.  It was my nephew calling for a ride.  My sister got her coat and went out the door.  Not two seconds later the phone rang again.  I jumped again thinking it was my nephew calling to tell his mother never mind he found a ride.  I said hello and there was silence.  Well, somewhat silence, I knew someone was there.  Thought to myself, great a telemarketer and was about to hang up when I heard, 'Donna?'  It was my turn to get silent. I knew the voice.  It was a bit softer then I remembered, but I knew it.  I replied with a yes and tried to keep my emotions in check.  It was not a voice I thought I'd hear again so soon.  I normally don't get scared or nervous over interaction with folks, but today I did.  The palms of my hands got sweaty and I swear I heard my heart as it started beating faster and faster.  I even started to shake slightly.  I don't even recall the beginning of the conversation. 


When we turned and walked away from each other a couple of weeks ago I thought it would be another twenty years, not less then fifteen days.  After what I assume where pleasantries (I swear I can't even remember) he went on to say how good it was to see me.  How he often wondered, thought, wished, missed.  My head started to spin, I actually felt hot, like I was going to pass out.  He asked if I was mad that called.   I wasn't sure how to answer that.  Mad?  No, not really we shared so much together.  I just didn't know what to say.  I mean he obviously thought about calling for the past two weeks so he had a chance to think things through.  What to say, what not to say.  I was caught completely off guard, and believe it or not speechless! 


Even as I sit here I'm at a loss.  What the hell!?!  As we ended the call he asked if he could call this weekend and maybe do something.  Take a ride, get a cup of coffee, just talk for a bit and caught up on our lives.  I thought the best possible answer would be no I didn't think it a good idea, but before I knew it I said sure.  Now I'm not getting a head of myself, or reading anything into it, but damn... twenty years!!!  We'll see what happens if he calls.  I'm thinking I will probably back out.

~~Autumn Snags~~




Wednesday, September 27, 2006

~More Halloween~






Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A couple Angels





::wiping tear from eye::  I am speechless.  Where do I start?  I'd like to thank the Academy... oh wait... 


My parents, yes I'd like to thank my parents.  Without them I would not be standing here today. 


My son, who reminded me what it was like to laugh for 20 years.  All those tickle 'fests' we had. 


My friends, who have taught me so much about myself and about giving of myself. 


 ::mumbling to self::Oh gawd, that sounds so corny. 


 ::looking over at time keeper and whispering:: how much time do I have? 


::answers in a whisper::: 3 seconds left


I'd like to thank Stevie for the award bestowed.  I am truly honored to have a friend such as he. 


::wiping tears and blowing nose::

Thank you, thank you!

::waving walking off stage::

::trips as gown gets caught in heel::  Shit!





Qualifier:  this is all in fun and in no way should be looked  at as a dig on the Vivi's or the FiFi's.  By all means participate, participate, participate!  Have some fun!!  Life's too short :) 

Tagged... Weird Things...



Ok, so Guido, the doll that he is, tagged me to do this.  Ummmm... thanks Guido!!!  :)~  Straighten that halo now.  He says to pick 6 weird things about me and then tag 6 more.  Now I've seen it with 3 and I've seen it with 5.  ARGH!!  So I suppose someplace in there is good.  Only problem I have is, I am so damn slow it looks like everyone did it already..... so who the hell do I pick?  I had my thoughts, my ideas, but I didn't want to put anyone on the spot, so instead I triple dog dare you to do it, post it in your journal and come back and leave a link!


1.    I eat pizza with a knife and fork.  It all started a few years back when I was out with friends for a beer, pizza and wings.  We sat shooting the shit when the pizza was brought to the table.  Not even paying attention we all grabbed a slice.  I was the first to bite in.  Slap!!  Off came the cheese with some sauce and landed on my chin.  OUCH!!  It was f'n hot and I had a burn mark for days!!  Try explaining that!


2.    I twirl my hair when I'm thinking.  I don't mean just twirl a little, I mean go mad with it, usually having it end up in knots.  I've never had to cut the knots out, but I've come close. 


3.    I usually can out talk and out stat guys on hockey.  I have more folks come to me for information on what's going on.  You think I'm nosey?  LOL


4.    I have a routine I have to stick with.  I have to do things in a certain way.  Get out of shower, get dressed, brush teeth,  put on make up, hair gel and scrunch, rinse with Listerine.  Talk to me and I'm liable to put Listerine in my hair.  Ummm yes I did that before.. GGrrrrr  I hate when that happens!


5.    I never comb or brush my hair.  LOL  I let my fingers do the walking.


6.    I really don't watch TV yet I have to have it on when I go to bed.  Not only do I not watch it but I have the timer on for all 120 minutes, even though I fall asleep within the first 15-30.  Afraid of the dark maybe? 


Your turn!



Monday, September 25, 2006

Monday Monday... a complete Fall Day

I've noticed for the past few days/weeks that the leaves are slowly changing color, mixed in with the various shades of green you could see reds, oranges, and yellows.  Fall has always been my favorite season.  The crisp air, sunshine always so bright when it is out, and the bitter sweet smell of the fallen leaves.  It also saddens me a bit, as I know summer is over and the cold winds of winter are not far off.


Today as I walked out the door to leave for work it was a beautiful day in front of me.  The sky was a bright pale blue with specks of white clouds.  The sun was bright as it peeked over the houses across the street, its rays sparkling off anything that would catch them.  Then, there in my front yard I noticed the most unbelievable display of color.  The small tree next to my driveway had pretty much turned completely yellow.  A speck of red and orange but mostly yellow.  And as the sun rays reflected off it, you'd swear it was a blaze.  It glowed!  The wind was making the flame like leaves twinkle in the air. 


Driving into work the clouds over downtown were just as beautiful!  The weren't big rolling clouds but rather short, stout, and long.  They looked more like waves crashing into the shore.  The blue sky as a back drop served as the ocean.  The sun shining into them caused the shades of gray to look more purple and the white had an yellowish blue tint.  As the strong winds blew them, and the sun reflected on them, you could almost see a rolling surf. I had my windows opened a crack to enjoy the fresh air.  Between the gentle roar of the traffic and the rustling leaves on the trees lining the highway I could hear the surf.   If I could have closed my eyes, it would have felt like I was on the beach just one more time. 


On that highway closing my eyes would not be a good idea!  Hmmm.. well... while driving.. it wouldn't be a good idea to close your eyes!  Aaahhh.. but alas there is usually some woman driving down the road with at least one eye closed as makeup is being applied.  LOL


Behind me the scene was very different.  The dark black clouds were rolling quickly as they piled on top of each other.  No blue was coming through and it was hard to believe the sun was shining so bright in front of me only to disappear a few miles away.  I could see a haze lower then the clouds and it was definitely raining.  From the looks of it the raining was coming down in buckets.  A flash here and there, then nothing but darkness.  Quiet darkness is all I could see behind me.


Ironically I end my day the same way.  Not with the vibrant colors of early morning, but with the same contrast.  White and black.  No in between.  It either is or isn't.  No discussion, no faint colors, just black or white.  Holding others back because you don't believe.  Life really shouldn't be so definitive, it really isn't.   It's about loving, forgiving, expanding companionship, allowing folks to grow.  It's about trust, believing, understanding.  I choose to live my life in color, take a risk or two, give things a chance, you?




Sunday, September 24, 2006

Weekends Over

This is not the same waterfall I mentioned earlier.  This is several months old.  I may have even used it before, but today I added the saying.  I absolutely loved it and wanted it on a waterfall.  I had one picked out and worked on it for what seemed like hours.  It just wasn't working.  My hand wasn't steady enough and the more I tried to fix it the more it looked like hell.  So I just used that lovely 'x' in the corner and said good bye.  I will attempt it another day.


I did exactly as I said last night when I went to bed.  I lay with me head at the foot of the bed, right below the open window.  I could hear the whistle of the wind as it blew through the leaves on the tree out front.  Every couple of minutes I could feel the cool dampness of the breeze stroke my cheeks and slightly rustle my hair.  Virtually silent, the sound of silence and the clean air put me to sleep in no time. 


I am not quite sure when the temperatures dropped but when I woke this morning I was wrapped like a cocoon.  Now I don't mind have my sheets and bedding pulled all apart if I've at least had some fun, but this was definitely not the case!  Apparently I was cold and without even knowing I pulled, tugged, rolled, until the covers were over me.  Get up and get in bed the correct way?  Hell no!  Close the window?  Are you kidding?  Just rip the hell out of your bedding is the way to go.  Actually, I did it in my sleep because when I woke up I didn't know, and I had forgotten I was even laying that way.  I always sleep on my right side, so it's a good thing I opened my eyes before moving, I'd have smacked right into the wall and window.  Better yet, with my luck I'd have fallen through the window!!!  Oh what a site, me on the front lawn in my little kitty night shirt.  I could have waved as folks were on their way to church!!  Bless me Father for I......


Day was a perfect fall day.  Blue blue sky scattered with clouds here and there.  The wind never died down so we still had dancing leaves and whatever wasn't tied down was moved to a new spot.  Nothing major though.  It had rained a bit early and wondered exactly where my son was.  He was going to the football game, and you know he did not prepare for rain even tho I told him.  Just his mother, I don't know anything, you know how that is.  As it turns out, they went to the stadium last night and hung out at his friends fathers restaurant/bar.  Even slept in there.  Good thing, I'd hate to think they were out in the storm.  Once the rain stopped it was good, wish I could say the same for the Bills.  OUCH!  Yeap they lost.  Funny thing, all talk shows and reporters figured they would be 1-2 at this point, which they are.  They just had the win wrong.  Damn, they should have beaten the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.  Guess there was not enough reply cheers to that chant... N-O-T-T, Nott, Nott, Nott.  Haven't talked to my son since this morning, and figure he is no doubt off sleeping off the day! 


I really didn't do much of anything.  Puttered on the net looking for more scenic pictures to play with at a later date.  Fotki Photo Sharing is one awesome place, it's for sharing and is free, no worries about offending folks or copyrights.  Perfect for me to find stuff.  Check it out :)  Did some graphics, watched some football.  Had a great talk with a few friends on the phone.  Planning a dinner date for later in the week and that should be fun.  Let's hope it works out.  Won't be long before my life revolves around my boys.  LOL All in all it was a good day, and guess what... no tears today!  LOL  Well, tears of laughter maybe but I think my emotions are in check. 


Off to watch the news and get to bed.  OMG!!!  Before midnight?  I must be doing good :)~  I think I can actually fall asleep. 

A few More

I have to say the first one is a favorite so far.  Not sure why exactly, but I like it... so I'm daft.  LOL   As a qualifier, I did NOT animate the spider, only cleaned it up so I could put it on the web.  So I cheated, ppppfffffttttt  LOL







Halloween as Promised


I can't figure out what I did on this first one, but I obviously messed up some where as I had no intention of the movement I got, I think I like it tho LOL


The rest are a lazy attempt at getting some done.  I will get more into it later.  I spent all morning on a waterfall that came out absolutely awful and ended up scrapping it.  Grrrrr and then I didn't feel like doing any.  I just puttered around and ended up with a few.  Enjoy... no doubt you'll be seeing them popping up all over. 












Saturday, September 23, 2006

Day is Done


It actually should have been done hours ago, but I got caught up in a few things and time got away from me.  Halloween graphics was not one of them, but trust me when I say I'll get some done soon.

Day was actually just a day.  It started out extremely emotional and then seemed to level off.  Life is good!  LOL  Thanks to all for the encouraging words, hugs, support, and just being you.  :)


Had a wicked rain storm blow through here earlier.  As I sat at the computer in front of the open window, I felt the breeze pick up.  I could hear the leaves that had already fallen rustle through the garden below the window.  I could smell that fresh clean air that you always get before a rain or after.  The one that tickles your nostrils, makes you smile and sometimes even makes your hair stand on end.  Hmmmm.. I just imagined someone with long hair, like half way down their back, standing on end would be comical!  It was already dark out so you couldn't see anything.  The sky was pretty clouded and very little light was coming from the sky above.  Branches on the trees danced and threw shadows in the little light there was.  And then it came with only that strong breeze as a warning.  No thunder, no lightening, just rain.  It came down hard and furious.  Cars splashed through it and the street light out front gave a glimpse as to how fast it was falling.  There was no pitter patter, it was just sounded like a solid stream.  Twenty minutes later you wouldn't know it had rained that hard.


I hope that is for the rain until at least late tomorrow.  My son will be going to the home opener of the Bills game.  J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets... NOT!!  Though I know that guy will be in the stands.  Surely if you've seen a Jets game you know who I'm talking about.  He's their number one cheerleader.  Wearing all his green and the white fireman's hat, leading the lost souls in cheers. LOL  Any way, nothing like a rain filled day to ruin a party.  So lets hope!!


Played with this graphic a few times and not sure I really like it.  I need to figure out another water effect or something.....   but here is what I ended up saving today. 






I'm pretty sure I will be able to fall into dreamland with ease tonight.  YEAH!!  Been a bit since I had a good night sleep.   I'm on way there now.  Will be putting my pillows, yes I sleep with a few, at the foot of my bed.  My window will be cracked enough to let the clean air lull me away, far far away.  To a place where the stars sparkle, dance, and play tag in the night.  Mr Sandman visit me tonight, sprinkle that pixie dust gently upon my forehead and that of my friends and give us peaceful sleep.



Radio only & Snags

Ok... so my boys have a preseason game tonight and it's radio only, well all most all pre-seasons are radio only so I've been sitting here listening to it on the net.  Currently we are losing 2-1 in the second, but it's nice to hear the names of the up and coming young guns.   The games don't count until Oct so all is good currently.


But while listening I've been playing a bit with graphics...  will be diving into Halloween ones soon.  OMG!!  Can you believe how close that is? 


Love this effect......with the rain and chill we have here it would be so nice to have live, wishful thinking!!!  Gonna be a long wait now....  well we have no Palm Trees here so to see this I have to go.......... south! 




Not sure what I was trying for here, but ::shrugging shoulders::  It's a fairy.  LOL




Couldn't decide.. rain? No rain... so yeap ya get 'em both.  LOL





1...2...3.4.5....Everybody in the car, so come on

Took the idea from Ste... much much easier as I never did actually reply to the gazillion mails I got.......  Thanks Ste!  *smooch*




A friend of my Mom's I think. 

a couple hours ago

ya mean the chicken scratch?

honey baked ham

7. KIDS? 
yes 1, but he will say he is no longer  a 'kid'


ummmm... I'm writing it in :)~

me?  Nevah!  lol

I sure as hell hope they are mine

ohhh not sure... doubt it I have this thing for heights... but I might be swayed.  I think the view would be awesome... if I could stop thinking my head was gonna smash into the ground.....

hmmmmm ... I do coffee for breakfast.


hell no!



I have to pick?  ummm... damn this is hard.. maybe banana split by Friendly's



neither really but since you're making me pick... red

my Fred Flinstone feet


My Aunt Marg

I think they already have.  LOL

beige capri and barefoot, Fred has to breath ya know so I'm barefoot

Dinner, mashed tators and meatball stew.  LOL  LAAAAZZZYYY

my cpu humming and the sounds of peeps poppin on and off my buddy list. 

blue, midnight blue.

vanilla and/or lilacs The smell of just bathed babies (ya know baby powder, baby oil)


my son


eyes, the window to their soul

which one?  I got it a gazillion times :) yes

coffee, no question


Hellloo... hockey of course

I think the box says light ash brown #15


not now.  My first mid life crisis I bought green ones.  OMG!  How pathetic!?!


I can do both, but if it's scary and you're with me be careful my nails can be deadly weapons if I grab ya.

white black and red - these guys are good, scary good  LOL Hockey shirt.

chocolate, anything chocolate!


I don't think there is anyone left

Women Who Run with Wolves  

looks like all the funnies have been used.... a wizard


I don't think I watched anything

the pitter patter of the rain, a child's innocent giggle

45. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? can have Mick's big 'ole lips!

El Paso TX, but hoping to change that real soon!


I don't know what happened to 47 and 48!!  Me either someone didn't like them I guess


ROFLMAO  I think that is a bit personal!! 

Buffalo NY  3-26-61... yes I am old!  Shaddup!


Well with all the bad that has happened this week, some good came about too.  I got a great email earlier today and I was forced, in a good way, to practice what I've been preaching and look in my own mirror.  I do not proclaim to be perfect, but gaawed that reflection was not pretty at all!!  I am so embarrassed, I can't even find the words, so bear with me. 


The words I choose will never ever make up for it ... but here goes...


Months and months back I got caught up in the 'dark side' trivial BS.  I did and said some things without getting the facts and not 'til later did I realize I had hurt some one really bad.  It wasn't my intention to hurt anyone, but no excuses I did.  I was being selfish and pretty much self centered. To say nothing about being petty and trite.  When I found out, I did step up (or I think I did) and things have been worked out.  I wasn't thrilled with what I had done and felt horrible that I let something so trivial get into my head and have me react in that manner.  Over a freaking graphic no less.  How f'in pathetic is that?  :::hanging head:::


Today I learned there are a few others.  OMG!!  WTF!?!  How could I?  What was so damn important back then that I let that happen.  How did I not see it? Them freaking blinder we all wear at times in our lives I guess.  But still...


With that said, I can only hope these events all happened in the same time frame when I was weak and apparently so freaking stupid.  I also hope that those of you I hurt will find it someplace in your heart to forgive me.  I never meant to hurt, scold, or even reprimand.  Like I said, and I know it's a silly reason, I got caught up.   Really pathetic, isn't it?  I am so very sorry. 


If this makes no sense to youat all, I'm thrilled!  It only means I didn't do it to you.

I just hope all is good :)




If you missed the comment this morning this will just confuse you more... LOL... so you might just want to pass... I'm going on my soapbox. 


Now... Mr or Mrs Tradewhatever... I will address this once and only once and I can do this with a clear conscious.  I will do my response here because you deleted the username you are hiding behind.  You are a coward and your words are empty.  Until you can step up and reveal who you are, you have no creditability with anyone, most of all me.  I have no idea what your game plan is, and to be truthful I don't care.  I just think you should know you are not hurting me.  In fact, you are hurting the person you are trying to protect... or whatever it is you are trying to do.  Give the man some credit will you?  With all your trash talking and stomping around with jealousy, if that is in fact what it is, you've failed to even look around or get to know anyone.  For if you had you'd see how meaningless all this is.  Ste is a great guy, full of life and respect for others.  Happy go lucky and friends with all.  Sure we are good friends, but it doesn't stop him from having other friends.  Hello!?!  He is not in the 4th grade and it would be nice if you stopped acting like he was.  One more thing... he is quite strong... ya know... Super Ste!!  (Surely you've seen it in your lurking around.)  He doesn't need your protection nor do I need your crap.  Bugger off!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Messing Around........

.....cuz I know ya'll love the sparkles and glitter!  LMAO  Angel over at Angels Artistic Expressions had some tags up and I had to ask about the 'blings' she was using.  The doll wasted no time in sending them back to me along with directions. 


So I am up way too late playing with them.  Will have to try a few more to get the movement and the graphics better.. but for now if I see another blink or another sparkle I think I will go into convulsions..... if I get a bit batty with them, blame her!  LOL  Actually, you can pretty much blame her for all my graphics.  She was a saint helping me get started a year ago.  Thanks Angel!!  Do you offer the 12 step program too? 






Well if there was ever a week to say TGIF, this was it!  But it is over and I couldn't be happier.  The graphic reminded me of a fighter... so I thought I'd use it.  Besides, I liked it!!


I had a couple different thoughts on an entry but decided I was going to go into my ride to work yesterday.  Sure.. boring......................  


I'm not one of those early birds, I get to work right on time.  Maybe a minute or two early but that is it.  I can't stand the folks that whine 'I came in at 7:30 today....'  Yeap, I see your nail polish, your bowl of cereal, your makeup and mirror.  Don't whine to me about getting there early when all you did was personal stuff that could have been done at home.  I'd much rather stay in bed or in my robe with a good cup of coffee for the extra half hour, thank you very much!


So I get in my car and go.  I am happily listening to, well, no not music.  LOL In the morning I have a sports talk show on.  Gotta get the news, ya know?  How else would I know 'bout all the idiots in football!?!  So on my merry way I turn on to the highway extension so I can get to the main line and go downtown.  As I round the bend of the ramp all I see is red!  My foot goes to the break.  YIKES!!  Nothing but standing still traffic.  I looked in my rear view mirror and thought, for one split second, I could be a total ass and back up.  Ok it wasn't really a second, I didn't even think I'd do it, but rather wished I could!!  So there I sit, I didn't move an inch.  Greeeeeeeeat!  The first exit is about 1.5 miles and I am not even moving!!!  Ok, so I got to take my foot off the break for a second and roll, maybe 3 inches.  Break, roll, break, roll.  I get to the bridge that goes over the highway I need to get on and it looks like a parking lot!  Cars all over, two lanes and on the shoulders.  Why would you drive on the shoulder???  Where do you think you're going to go?  So as I sit on the bridge I'm watching cars further ahead of me going around the cement median that separates the on and off ramp, go thru a ditch and do a U-turn to get right back off.  Oh, the light bulb goes on, will my car do that?  Will I bottom out?  Worse, will I get stuck?  Now a good 5 minutes has gone by and I haven't even gone 100 yards.  I watch and calculate.  Is my car higher then that one?  So I decide, yes, I will do it.  I know it is so wrong, but damn it there is no way I am getting to work on time and if I wait through this all the way to the accident or whatever is up ahead, I will be hours late!  So ever so slowly I make my way across the bridge towards my exit plan.  Several cars go through.  I make my way around the bend and I'm almost there.  I was actually a bit excited with the challenge.  Then the sound of crunching metal.  A pickup truck decided since it was bigger it was also going to be faster then the car coming off the ramp.  NOT!  There goes my escape route!  Must have been a sign for me.  So 25 minutes later I get to that exit and get the hell off!  I took the back roads and at one point I had to go under that highway.  As I approach I could see cop cars and a couple ambulances.  My first thought was a car went off/over the bridge.  When I got there I realized, no that was the only way help could get there because those assholes had the entire area on top blocked because they thought they could get around it faster!  Nice job!!!  I never saw the accident and never heard a word about it, I am just glad it wasn't someone I knew.  I get to work a good half hour late, argh!!  Thank gawwd for cell phones.  Oh and guess what?  Some of those folks were still eating their breakfast and chit chatting when I got there!!


Just wondering..................   I had been patiently waiting for AOL to give that additional storage they promised and I got the info the other day.  So I was playing around with it.  I'm not a paying customer so I don't get as much but will take what they give.  Only thing, I can't figure out how to get the freakin graphic in my journal.  I know I can share the folder it's in, but I can't find any directions on how to put the actual graphic here.  I tried several ways but in a matter of time I get the dreaded red x.  So WTF!?!  Anyone out there try that xdrive?  Can ya help me out?  Spare me from going back and reading the entire web site to find directions?  LOL

Thursday, September 21, 2006

True Colors

Well... I was going to let my entry last night be the end of the topic for me, but I can't.  I promised myself long ago I'd always be true to me.  I did not resign from the Vivi committee because my feelings got hurt.  And contrary to popular belief it wasn't because of NJ.  Paaaleaase folks you are giving him way to much credit!  If he had that power, I highly doubt he would be playing with it here.  He'd be out making a fortune someplace.  So enough.  I am not afraid of him, nor did he bully me into this.  Nor did anyone else.  Give me some credit for having a little thicker skin then that.   


I resigned because of the ugliness I've seen in people, lots of people.  I'm not talking about things towards me.  Again, I'm a whole lot stronger then you give me credit for.   It was what I saw going on towards each other.  Towards you.  I wanted no part of that.  I'm not trying to take things away from the Vivi's or Jackie and the committee.  I give them props for putting so much into it.  Hell I was in the mix last year, I was a newbie and had a blast.  I heard things when it was over, but never in a million years did I actually believe it.  Well, I sure as hell believe it now.  I've seen it, had blinders on, went about my merry way.  But ya know, being on the committee meant something and getting emails and IMs telling me how this said journal doesn't deserve to be on the list only to see eeewws and aaaahs posted by the same person on the said journal turned my stomach.  Emails and IMs telling me they deserved to on the list and I needed to do something.  Helllooooo????   Folks are turning on folks left and right and it's being passed over as though it isn't happening.  Or maybe it isn't even being seen.  I don't know which.  I saw it!  I know it's not everyone, and I am in no way saying the committee is condoning it.  It's a huge undertaking and virtually impossible to keep wraps on everyone and everything.  Hell look around, everyone see the state of the world?  There is no way a handful of people could control J-Land.


I am not taking sides, because really there isn't any sides to take.  If you want to partake, do so, have fun.  If you don't, don't.  Simple really.  And if you do partake don't think for one minute the recognition you receive is going to change the world.  It isn't going to cure cancer, stop the wars, so why turn on people you say are your friends?  I can't speak for anyone else or know what is happening with them and I won't pretend to.  I've seen some mixed reactions out there.  I've seen journal entries where as others had the same things or similar things happen to them.  Why?  What purpose does it serve?


I've made some great friends here, but I've also seen some true colors.  I am not a martyr nor am I saying if the Vivi's go on it's wrong.  It got ugly and I didn't like it.  I want to hold my head high and know in the morning I was true to me.  So please, just step back, breath, and look around.  Let the Vivi's be what they are suppose to be. Stop the nonsense of turning on each other and making this cut throat.  Have fun or don't, it's up to you.  But paleeease stop pointing fingers and making this into a mess!


Feel free to leave a comment, or don't.  It's completely up to you, but please don't email me with more questions, or more whys, or am I sure I wasn't bullied.  I know to some it doesn't always appear that I have something between my ears, but I do.  This was my decision, made by me, for me.  No one else.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A Chill in the Air

Not only has the temperature in my neck of the real world turned cold, it has apparently turned a bit cold here too.  If you haven't been to the Vivi Journal yet, I'll fill you in. I've resigned from the committee.  I don't want folks to take it personal, as I thought it was great idea, but it has gotten cold.  Not everyone, but more then you think.


JLand is supposed to be fun.  The Vivi's are supposed to be a friendly way to recognize a few journals without tearing down the others.  Not giving an open forum to tear down other people, their thoughts, their ideas, their beliefs.  It's not supposed to be an ugly competition.  It's supposed to be about expanding our horizons finding new journals, sharing experiences with others.   I cannot honestly say that is what I see.  I see hate and hurtful things happening.  I've tried to stand by and be strong.  Ride out the storm and fulfill my commitment, but I can't.  I am not being true to me.  I have way too much in my life to deal with and that is more important.  I'm sorry.  I'm tired of folks feeling the need to run from journal to journal only to compile bullshit and dump it by the truckload along the way.  It's a sad life when that is the highlight of their day, but it takes all kinds I guess.


I do hope friendships aren't lost over this, but somehow I think there will be and that is sad, very sad.  I'll be fine and my chin is high as I know I am doing the right thing for me.  It is about being true to me, not what others think I should be true to.  I know some of you will understand and appreciate it.  Love ya for that!  I wish everyone good luck.  I will be back to have some fun with my bullshit entries and graphics in no time.  Right now it just isn't fun.  When I figure out what I want on my side bar I'll update that too.  Maybe tomorrow. LOL


Monday, September 18, 2006


Take one bored PSP addict, a lazy Sunday, no Internet access, nothing on TV...........












Sunday, September 17, 2006


... and no pun intended!  Today was the absolute pits!  I logged on this morning as I normally do and made the rounds.  I started my morning entry and was typing away when I noticed the screen jump a tad.  Ok, so I moved and shook the desk.  Next thing I know my keystrokes are like molasses.  I am no speed typer by any stretch of the imagination, but I am faster then what I was seeing.  Not paying much attention to the screen at this point I check my keyboard.  God only knows I've laughed so hard recently I have spit some water.  And I know I've hit the keyboard at least once, so I thought maybe something was sticky.  Picked it up, turned it over, shook the hell out of it.  Nothing came out.  I blew in it to get any loose particles.  Nothing.  It's then I notice I am not even connected to AOL.  I always type my entries in mail and then I can save if need be.  Good thing I do!  I addressed it to myself and selected send later.  I shut down and tried to log back on only to notice that I had no cable connection.  My cable modem was still lit like a sparkling Christmas tree so I shut down the whole computer, did the manual reset of the modem and booted back up.  Damn it!  Nothing.  Cable was still on TV so after about 30 minutes I called to see what was up. 


'Not sure Ma'am, we are all down.  Shouldn't be too long, but if you don't have a connection by tomorrow call us back.'


'TOMORROW!  Umm, ok... I hope it isn't that long!'


What could I do.  Surely it wouldn't take an entire day.  He was saying that because he didn't know what the issue was.  No biggie I got a few things to do and/or can do.  Look at the modem and lights are still flashing.  I scratch my head and walk away.  Do a few odds & ends, make a graphic, turn the football game on.  Again, checking modem lights.  Still on.  Hmmmmm but no Internet?  Argh!! 


It's been about 2 hours now and still nothing.  Oh what the hell, I call again.  Thinking maybe it's back up and my modem has issues since it was showing I was connected and had a connection, but I wasn't.


'Ma'am a truck hit telephone pole and knocked down the cable.  We are all down.  Almost as far east as Rachacha, down past Erie PA and parts of Ohio.'


'Really?  One line and you lose that much?  Shit,  I don't know much about cable etc, but that is a huge area!  Can't believe there is no way to re-route'


'I know Ma'am, I agree.  Good thing there is not a major emergency.  It's sad.'


'Any idea when it will be up?'


'No Ma'am, they are working on it, but they also have to do electric and phone.'


'Ok, thanks.  Have fun with the calls. Snickering as I hang up'


Watch more football, flip channels.  Realize now why I don't watch TV, there is nothing on!!!   Argh!!  More time passes and the guys words haunt me like the grim reaper.  'good thing there is not a major emergency.'   No emergency???  Does he not realize I am getting bored?  I'm in a cold sweat?  My heart is beating and racing like a freight train?  No emergency my ass!   I knew I was missing chat.  Really not a big deal as I knew I wouldn't be missed, but hell, I promised and I hate breaking promises.  OMG!  mail, it will be bouncing!!  Sunday is a huge day for group mail and I knew as I watched the freaking blinking lights, that apparently mean nothing, my mailbox was rapidly filling up.  I get the brown paper bag and breath.  It will be alright I tell myself.  I watch the bag expand and contract.  Breath Donna breath!  It will be ok.


I get comfy on the couch and stare blankly at the TV, still nothing on!  Yeah football but I don't watch it, I listen.  So I lay down and try to relax.  Oh, yeah that is working!  Look and now I only have one light blinking.  Ohhhhhhhhh  maybe........ just maybe...  sweats start again, I get the shakes.  Oh shit!   Two more hours before I actually get a connection.   Jump on... OMG over 400 pieces of mail.  I sift through it and get rid of so much.  I will probably be sorry for skipping/deleting so many graphics but I didn't feel like going through all of it.  I cherry picked. 


Guess what?  Bored again!  Did the mail, or most of it.  Deleted here and there.  Commented on a few entries.  Did my searches for some information I needed.  And now I'm bored.  It's late on a Sunday night and things are slow.  


Ok, I will fess up.  I exaggerated.  I really didn't freak out as bad as I say, so sorry for that.  No ill will towards anyone was meant.   Withdrawal?  You betcha!  I'm addicted to this freaking box and the WWW.  I know so many of you can relate.  It's one thing to not come on line, or have other things to do.  We all do.  It's another thing to not be able to.  No control yourself, you just can't.  I've got an addictive personality to an extent and a routine I go through.  I am not happy when it gets interrupted.  I hate monkey wrenches in my life, even if it is something so minor.

...And Morning Comes.... or it came and went!!! ARGH!!

ARGH!!!!  I've been without my Internet connection for the past 8 hours!!  I am just using the entry I was in the process of doing this morning when it went 'poof'.  To pissed to do another... LOL  Obviously some of my comments below are not relevant at this point.  At 8:20 pm I was back...


I stayed up a little late last night, definitely wired from the day I had.  It wasn't enough to realize my boys will start playing hockey again, I had to run into an old love.  No doubts about making the choices I made long ago, but it did make me think 'what if.'  How so much in my life would be different.  At the rate we were going back then, would I even be here?  Very scary thoughts.  Don't get me wrong, we had fun, times were good mostly, but there are things I'm not necessarily proud of.  Oooh the shame... ::evil grin::  It appears he has grown up, thank gaawd, but we didn't discuss his path there.  I'll admit there was a twinge... just a little one.  After what we'd been through together I would have been surprised if there wasn't.  Those damn eyes!  LOL  No worries though, it was good to walk away.


I did wake up today to see the sun trying to come out.  It's been a little overcast here for days.  Rain on and off, so it was a nice sight.  There is actually some blue up there too!  Yeah!  Air smells clean and the sounds are pretty pleasant.  I've been hearing motorcycles go by all morning so it's a reminder that summer isn't completely over!!


No major plans today.  Will definitely be stopping in for a J-Land chat, and of course it's Sunday so football will be on.  I'm a jock at heart, and no not a jockstrap!  Though I've heard some think that.  :)~   Ahhh ya can't please everyone, can ya?  And I am way to old to even start trying at this point!  Unlike hockey I am not glued to the TV while football is on, but I do pay attention to the majority of the games.  I like to know who is doing what.   Is TO bad mouthing Drew yet?  Is Portis playing today? Is Porter?  Is anyone from the Vikings in jail today?  Has the Detroit coach been driving around naked again?  OMG!!  How can you not be at least a bit curious?!  What is up with all that?  Is it the money going to their head?  WTF!?!  'Nuff about football.  Good Luck to your team today, that is, unless you are a Miami fan.  LOL 


I played with another one of the pictures I took yesterday.  Seeing boats on the lake was such a treat!  Area folks are not ready to succumb to the inevitable either.  It was pretty overcast like I said, so I played a bit and decided to change it, adding a slightly sepia tone.  Not 100% sure I really like it, but it hides the grayness of the day.  I've seen enough of that so it's a welcome change!! 




Well, as I sat here writing this I got knocked off AOL.  I saved this and tried to reconnect.  I knew there were issues as it was looking for my connection method.  So, for once it wasn't AOL but my Internet provider.  I still have cable on my TV so I called to see what was up.  They don't know, but apparently the entire area is out.  Oh Goodie!  Am I still excited about Time Warner taking over?  Eeeek time will tell.  Being fairly new here, it's not starting on the right foot with me.   


Well, it's 7 hours later and I still have no Internet connection.  A truck apparently took out two telephone poles and damaged cable.  It is kind of scary though, several 100 square miles are effected.  Mid to Western NY area, part of PA, and a portion of OH.  Now I don't know much about the cables, etc, but I can't believe they have no way to re-route things so not such a huge area is effected.  I'm now going through withdrawal!!  I missed all of the chat :( I am so sorry and I know my mailbox is over flowing.  ARGH!!!  As I sit here updating this to be ready to post when I get back on I see my cable modem lights going batty.  I just wish all would come on.  Can I get that lucky this evening?  You'll know as quick as I.  LOL


Ohhh the Bills beat the Dolphins 16-6.  It was ugly!  But a win is a win.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

A few before I go.. to bed!! It's late LOL



                                         DsDesignsErieLighthouse.gif <-- picture from today :)



I Got Mine!


Yeap, I went down to the arena today to get my t-shirt with the new logo.  All jerseys were gone, so it appears it is not a complete failure.  I am still not sure about the logo, but I will live.  I love the colors,  I love my boys, and I don't really care what's on the jersey but the talent that is in them!!  The place was a mob scene.  The open practice was at 10:30 so I thought if I waited until early afternoon I'd be good.  Well, I was, but I was very surprised at how many folks were still there at 1.  News footage showed a good many seats full.  Now I just can't wait for the season to start!  First preseason game is Monday.  Wuuuuu Huuuuu


While browsing the store and deciding on what I wanted I ran into an old friend.  A very old friend.  I stood looking for the self clings for my car windows and I felt a breath on the back of my neck.  It was kind of spooky that someone would get that close to me there and I was afraid to turn around.  I did finally hear a voice, and it was hauntingly familiar.  I turned with a snap as that was a voice I didn't hear in public as much as I heard in private.  Very private!  Meaning he had a completely different tone in certain instances.  We looked each other in the eye and without missing a beat we started talking.  We haven't seen each other in a good 15 years and we dated much earlier then that.  I use to think he was the one, and back then he was.  For a couple years.  I grew up and he didn't.  It was sad, my heart broke but I knew it was for the best and it was something I had to do.  I needed to move forward with my life.  The care free party go lucky had to end and I had to become an adult, he wasn't ready.  He looked good, and changed a bit, but not enough for me not to know it was him.  I'm surprised he knew it was me.  Said my hair gave it away in a flash.  LOL  The wild wind blown look that I hate.. he always liked.  I remember when I cut it all off he was pissed!  We chatted a bit and kissed each other on the cheek and went on our merry way.  It was nice to see him but we made no attempt to keep in touch.  It's for the best.


After I left the arena I went to the marina and snapped some shots.  I thought I'd put a little collage together of the city.  Nothing is great, and the sky was a bit overcast, but I was able to get some half way decent shots of the skyline, of the boats on the water, the lighthouse.  I even included the new logo from the front of my shirt.  No doubt I will  be playing with the photos by themselves at a later date.  The one below caught my eye when I was transferring from the camera.  I liked the way the HSBC building reflected on the water.  Those boats won't be there much longer!  I tried to get a shot the other way, but my gawd there were so many boats you couldn't make out what was what.  Oh well, this one works :)


Ohhhhhhhh and don't forget!!  Our very own Guido has been organizing another chat for J-Landers.  The link is in his sidebar as well as here.

  He has the start time as 8 PM for those across the pond, that will make it 3 EST.  Try and stop in to say hello.  The celebration chat was a hoot.  You never know what might happen.  ROFLMAO got me started on items to put in Ste's package.  Say it with me now.... underooooooooooooos  LOL