Well, once again I have succeeded in being called a bitch. Not by anyone in Jland, but in life here. I got tired of enabling a 44 year old to take advantage of others and not be responsible for his actions. Tough love if you may. I could list events for the next ten days, but won't bore you with it. I did however get a call last night and the conversation went like this.
'Hello'
'Hey, I have to go to court tomorrow, give me a ride'
Now there was no hello, no question or a request, but a demand. This after several recent incidents that just had my head spinning. I was in a good mood but this recent display just sent me over the edge. I responded, but I think it floored him. I told him no. I let him know the world does not resolve around him and everything isn't about him. At his age he should have some type of life. Some semblance. He needed to stop thinking it was all about him and I was no longer going to enable him. I could go into the details of all the things I said, but it doesn't change the matter. He responded with 'f you and hung up.' It was the end for me. I hung up the phone and brushed my hands together.
Today when I got home from work he had left a message. Told me how I was wrong and it wasn't about him. I should remember over 20 years ago when I was in Texas and it was about me. My blood boiled and then I could do nothing but laugh and consider the source. I did live in Texas 20 years ago. I was in a horrible marriage with a baby. The only thing I can come up with that made him even consider saying I thought it was all about me was one incident. I came home from work one night and my X was apparently in a bad mood. What else is new? He wasn't happy that the baby was crying and I wasn't there. Mind you, I was the only one working. I don't even remember all the words of that night, but clearly I see him throwing/tipping a large wooden desk over. Things went flying and one drawer came within inches of the baby. I picked up the baby and mustered strength from I don't know where. 'You can hurt me, but you WILL NOT hurt him.' With that I called my mother and asked for help. Within weeks my son and I were headed here. Him, I and our clothes. Everything else was left behind. To this day I have none of it. I don't even know where it is, nor do I care. Life is not about materialistic things. My son was safe, and so was I. Yes, I can see how that would be taken as me thinking life is all about me.
I was wild with the message. When I was talking last night he didn't have the knads to talk, he just swore and hung up. The coward that he is, waited until I was at work and left a message on my answering machine. Not any message but the most bizarre message. Hell, even if I thought that 20 years ago, it was 20 years ago. I was young and life is so different for me now. Today at age 44 he thinks the world owes him. It's always someone else's fault and he always expects someone to fix it for him. Barely works, has more issues then you could shake a stick at... blah blah.... for one split second I felt bad. I'm a bitch. Ok, so will me being a bitch help you? Now, well I just feel empty....
Everything else about the day was good. Hope everyone else had a good day. I'm totally stoked with the series starting tomorrow. I have no doubt the day will drag and the closer it gets to dropping the puck the more anxious I will be. Just a couple of graphics.. not sure what they are trying to convey but thought I'd put them up.
Hugs
~d
30 comments:
Lord....I am so sorry you had to deal with that kind of crap...I sincerely hope that tomorrow will be better for you hon...If you want my opinion...He ain't worth the time it takes to listen to the message...You are not a bitch...I think you are a very giving and kind person.
love ya,
carlene
So happy you left 20 years ago. It takes alot of guts to do that, and care for a child also. And this 44yr old man talks like that to you? He's got some nerve, grrrrrrrr. Good for you for saying No. (((((((hugs))))))))
Love,
Cindy
D~ I know people like this too. But you can't save everyone, there has to be a desire there. He may or may not come around. Oh well. His loss. This is partly whey I reside in Michigan and my family is in Florida. We love you and you are not a bitch. Tawnya
Thanks for sharing your personal story--I was in a similar situation 12 years ago. I get what your are getting from the 44 yr old sometimes from other members of my family too. Stay strong, and stay positive. Someone owes you a major apology. Julie :)
Been there Donna so lets be bitches together, WHO CARES !! Left behind everything but my 3 kids .Life must go on.You did right to be assertive.Hope your Thursday goes a little better.You Take Care and do not worry.Names don't hurt.Life is better without those kind of people around.Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.God Bless.Kath
Astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES
Oh how selfish of you Donna to think he might be able to actually do something for himself, does he have someone to wipe his backside for him. Good on you for telling him to grow up I know someone just like that and he isn't speaking to me now since I told him that he should grow up and take some responsibility for his actions, some people never know when to cut the strings. Hope you have a good day.
Debbie
xxx
oh my gosh I have heard more people having to use tough love. i think we are going to with Todds boys too at somepoint. almost 4 am phone calls becuase the went out for TP and had to go pee drove over a banke to have fun 4 wheeling got stuck nose down well I think next time I will have to just let the phone ring nad let the answering machine get it. Even then he was rude and one day called to borrow a saw and was kind of rude. seems like he is always borroing something. thing is whhen he calls he calls repeatedly the cell phone the house phone the cell phone. Yes i realize that night the cops were ther eand his car would be towed and he doesnt have 75 bucks for that. BUT if he were working at almost 4 am instead of 4 wheeling well I think you knowthe point!!!!!!!well anyway........... you know how it is. what is wrong withpeople now days. Heck I understand your leaving I once had to start over I was pg and had a 6 year old. taht was 20years ago this june for me. yeah its a little about you and a WHOLE Lot about the babies!!!!!! the little ones. nothing is about you when you got a baby to think of !!!!!!
How dare he after 20 years ?,you have moved on and done really well for you and your son,he has to ring you ?!! after all this time ,that tells you something,yes its about you ,lol you dont have to ask him for anything ,you dont need him ,good on ya ....love Jan xx
I'm sorry this all blew up Donna, but perhaps this time some change will be made. I agree that his actions will remain the same until someone finally says enough is enough. Its just tough to come home from a hard day at work and have to deal with this kind of bullshit.
Sam
I think that tough love often works well, but it sure as heck can be tougher on the person giving rather than receiving. Because the receiver is usually so self-centered and tends to manipulate ... they just move on ... looking for their next sucker ... while 'you', try as you might to not feel it -- feel a bit 'bad'.
Your brother? Friend? It's too bad that some folks can't see that change needs to start with them, eh?
~Meg
Someone once e-mailed me saying I was very wise. That was a lovely compliment but wisdom comes from experience. You know that....don't you? What you have experienced over the years with this person, and now as you watch them on that ever revolving loop of self denial and self interest ,you know that you have made a wise choice in not helping them. Someone had to jump off and start making sense of their lives. That was you! Let this person learn the hard way too. You are not hard or insensitive. You are just getting wise. Roll on the game to take your mind off this episode that you could have done without.
Loves the snags....Jeanie
No, you are not a bitch...you were a woman hurt...but a woman who has moved on...made a good life for herself. I am so happy you had your Mom to call, take your child...and get out. You both are better for it now. Some men think it is all about them...and they are the ones who can't move on. Still struggling here...with issues...but coming by here is a joy. You always have something interesting to say...have tags and graphics that are awesome...and hopefully you will have an awesome end to your week. Hope so!
Hugs and much love,
Joyce
This family member will probably never learn or change...i know lots and lots of people just like him. I am sorry you had to hear his garbage and that it took you back to a time you dont often think of. I am proud of you for standing up to him......you are a wise lady and i am so glad you got out of that bad situation!
LOVE, lisa
Tough love is the hardest kind of love. That's why they call it tough. If you think you're a bitch now, you're gonna be an even bigger one if he was so pissed at you that he neglected to secure a ride to get to court.
But you're really not.
Just in case you were wondering... ;-)
Good for you! I would not put up with that lack of respect.
((((((HUGS)))))) I hope your day is better today.
love and hugs
Katie
You were very smart to get out of a bad situation years ago. So many women are not and they and their children pay for it, over and over. Congrats to you for sticking up for yourself, it shows others that it can be done. Good Luck to your team tonight, I will be thinking of them and here's hoping they win, what fun that will be. Joni
well done you! i wish i had your "knads"lol sometimes.hope you have a great day.love jo x
Oh God hun,if it helps Im going through my 16 year olds allegations of neglect,like yeah I neglected him so much he had everything,thats my problem,I love my kids too much,youre not a bitch hun,we all know what a warm and loving person you are,so does he,but when he wakes up itll be too late,shame that love zoe xx
God he has a nerve. I'm glad you didn't rise to it xx
Jenny
HI GIRL! THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR HELP. AFTER READING YOUR JOURNAL, AND SEEING YOUR STRENGTH, I KNOW THAT I MYSELF CAN OVERCOME AS WELL. YOU MAKE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GRAPHICS BY THE WAY. I WANT TO LEARN, LOL, AS SOON AS I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO DISPLAY THE ONES I HAVE CORRECTLY!..LOL (HUGS) LORI
h
h
That outburst from him was inexcusable Donna. We all know you're lovely! Why a 44yr old man can't figure out how to get to court is beyond me and the rude way he asked for a ride too! Some people don't deserve to have friends. Jeannette xx http://journals.aol.co.uk/jlocorriere05/Welcometomytravels/
Keep standing your ground Donna...maybe eventually
he will grow up and realize he was wrong...and be a real man and apologize.
I snagged the B*tch graphic...I'll be the first to admit I am one....ROFL ....thanks girlie!
Hugs,
Terri
h
Sounds to me like someone needs their ass kicked. Happy to hear you got out of that relationship. Not one bit surprised by your strength.
{{{ d }}}} Some sibs never grow up...
be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
You HAVE to be talking about a brother.... I know, I have a SISTER just like that!!! LOL!!! Don't worry... you KNOW that you have come a long way (tx incident), and of course there are times in EVERY life when we need others, but only to get us through the time at hand, not forever!! We eventually land on our feet and become the strong people we are again.... He needs to land on HIS own feet, now!!
Going to face my sis today, wish me luck.... UGH!!!
Joann
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